I will never ever grow up!!

Are we normal?

This was a thought that went through my head this morning. It was right about the time Mr P and I were dancing across the kitchen in our PJ’s and socks to Sh’Boom. “Do other couples do stuff like this?” I wondered to myself.

I always thought that when you reached a certain age you magically transform into an adult. A respectable sensible grown up that eats nutritionally, never forgets birthdays, knows how to garden and writes appointments on their calendar – and checks it!

Naively I’d thought that maybe getting married was an automatic ticket into this magical grown up club. I’ve never been more wrong....

So I’ve decided Mr P and I fail at Grown Uppery.

Here are some reasons:

#1 Grown Ups don’t use words like Grown Uppery.

#2 Grown Ups don’t frequently refer to each other as kn*bheads, stinky or other related insults.

#3 Grown Ups don’t spend all their money on new toys, pretty dresses or lipstick and end up eating    

     smash and baked beans for dinner because that’s all they can afford.

 

#4 Grown Ups don’t find farts funny - I’m looking at you Mr P!

#5 Grown Ups save for houses, not sousaphones – You again Mr P!

#6 Grown Ups aren’t frequently outsmarted by a 9kg whippet.

#7 Grown Ups play sensible games. Not drinking jenga.

#8 Grown Ups don’t get engaged wearing Minnie Mouse ears and purple sunglasses.

What? You thought I was joking?

#9 Grown Ups don't hire bouncy castles for their engagement parties.

It... was... awesome

#10 Grown Ups defnitely don't wear converse at their own wedding.

#11 Or eat ice-cream at the church...

One of us is happy to be married... One of us is eating ice-cream

#12 Grown Ups divide chores sensibly. They don’t play rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spock every time the dog needs putting out.

#13 Grown Ups have civilised debates about important matters. They don’t sulk, strop, slam doors,   

        threaten to throw cd’s out of moving cars (you again Mr P) or sit down and refuse to be moved  

        (OK that one’s my bad...) when they disagree.

#14 Grown Ups don't have to add a number 14 to the list cos they're worried it might be unlucky to 

        leave it at the previous number...

So I think it’s pretty clear that Mr P and I get a big fat F at being Grown Ups. However I wouldn’t say that we’re young either. I’m pretty sure that young people don’t listen to radio two, learn to knit or own more than one pair of slippers. If in fact they own slippers at all... I’m a little out of touch.

Also their idea of a good night probably isn’t making fondue.

So what on Earth are we? Not normal... not grown up.... but definitely not young either....

Maybe we’re just us. The red lipstick girl and the boy with the quiff.

That’s more fun anyway.

Mrs P

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The Joy of Being an Auntie

I never expected to be an Auntie...

My family is a little complicated, Mr P's less so, but essentially - and biologically - we are both only children. Not only are we both only children but I am an only child with no biological cousins to speak of. This isn't to say that we are deprived, Mr P has a huge extended family of Great Aunts, second Cousins, family friends and more and I have step-sisters and half brothers.

But when you start looking at the biological side of things things are a little sparse. Being an only does have benefits but there are downsides. Loneliness is one. The other is the knowledge that eventually your family will dwindle.

On my side especially I am very aware of the fact that one day I will be the only one left. There will be no-one to reminisce "Do you remember when..." because I am essentially the only one. No-one else has the same family memories as me. One day, hopefully far from now, the older generation of my family will be gone and I'll be the only one who can tell the stories of my family.

 

So that's why it's so amazing when life throws you a beautiful U-Turn.

A few months ago I reconnected with one of my step-sisters. Within the last 3 years she has had a son and twin daughters so things have been a little hectic and we had lost contact through no fault of our own. This was until November when - for no particular reason - we made the spur of the moment decision that I would come to stay for 4 days. It was the best time.

Spending time with my step-sister has been great, we've always got on incredibly well. But the most amazing part of all of this is that Mr P and I are now "Auntie and Uncle" and for two people who never ever expected to be called that it means more than you can possibly imagine.

It's not just being "Auntie" and "Uncle". It's also having a future. It's the idea that one day these children will think of us as that well into their adulthood. For us that is so important. For the first time I can see a future of family holidays, shared Christmasses, many many more years of building snowmen and sledging down hills. You have no idea how important family is until you don't have an awful lot of it - then you learn to appreciate what you've got.

So all of you out there who are an Auntie or Uncle, appreciate it, value it, and enjoy it.

Because you can always hand them back when they make a bad smell.


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It's one of those facts of music that when you don't want to be offered work you'll be offered it by the bucketload. For example, this weekend Mr P and I have now turned down a total of 4 gigs so we can spend the weekend with my step-sister and her family. Come on gods of rock n roll! Throw us a bone!

 

On the plus side we were able to go sledging, and build a rockabilly snowman named Sid.

So all in all, can't complain!

Mrs P

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Video Killed the Radio Star! (hopefully not literally...)

Today I feel like a star!

Because - Today I presented my first ever radio show!

To get to this point I need to back up a few weeks to just before Christmas when Mr P and I played a local gig. At the end of the night I was approached by one of the organisers who had read this blog and asked if I’d be interested in hosting a radio show.

I thought about it and decided it seemed like a fun idea – why not! So when I received a phone call I quickly agreed and within days found myself down at the radio station signing pieces of paper and reading training manuals. The next day I sat and watched the morning breakfast show and before I knew it I was assigned the Wednesday afternoon radio slot from 1 – 3.30pm... starting next Wednesday.... in 6 days time.

Still, I reasoned, 6 days is fine. I’ve had far less time to prepare for gigs and handled it ok (ish).

What I didn’t count on was how busy I was this weekend. Still, I had my training yesterday evening and I figured I could put my show together then...

How wrong I was.

So today at about half 11 I high tailed it down to the studio with a list of about 25 songs which I thought would be more than enough to keep me going for 2 and a half hours.

Wrong again Mrs P.... there’s a theme here.

What I had failed to take into account was that people back in the 50’s/60’s as a general rule HATED songs that went over the 2 and a half minute mark.... not helpful when you’re trying to fill time! Then I was asked what I had written in my script.... erhmmmmmmmm.

I was sure it’d be ok.

Well mostly sure.

Once it got started I was terrified but I took a deep breath, touched up my lipstick, put on my radio voice and dived in.

And I loved it! Every second! After about the first half an hour I had been left completely on my own and, more importantly, I had relaxed. I was dancing in my chair like an idiot, singing along and had quite honestly forgotten that there were people listening in. However I couldn’t forget for long. The texts, emails, facebook messages and tweets all reminded me that I had so many lovely people rooting for me and it meant more than I could ever express!

The two and a half hours raced by and before I knew it the drivetime presenter had arrived and was putting together his show in the chair opposite me.

Then came my absolute favourite moment.

I playing my last few tunes, happy and secure in the knowledge I had done a good job, when I started chatting to Mr Drivetime.

“So how long have you been doing this?” He asked.

“About 2 hours.” I replied nonchalantly.

“You are joking?!” He exclaimed incredulously, “That’s amazing! You sound brilliant!”

Well a little bit of flattery always helps a girl....

Pictured : Amazing Broadcaster - FACT

So now I’m going to take all this confidence and go shake my money-maker at Burlesque class. In high heels. And shorts. And maybe a corset.

Wish me luck!

Mrs P

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Dizzy Days

I am writing this from my bed...

Sometimes I forget that I have a chronic illness. It may sound strange but there are many days that I feel completely well and I don’t think about the fact I have menieres disease – (see my previous blog http://mrsplipstick.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/fake-it-till-you-make-it.html  for more details).

To be fair my “well” isn’t the same as others. It still involves loud tinnitus and a large degree of unsteadiness but I’ve learnt to manage it. There are times when it does hit me. For example Mr P and I went to see Scrooged in London last Friday with our family and it took me a long time to adjust to our seats once it was dark as I struggle to balance myself in the dark. Basically it felt like being on a ship in rocky seas, so as well as feeling dizzy I also felt sick and sweaty. However, once my eyes had adjusted to where I was I felt fine.

So in the day to day my condition is very manageable. But then there are days like the last couple where I have my “Dizzy Days”.

I haven’t had any in a while so I think I’d relaxed a bit but the last two days have been awful. A Dizzy Day can strike anytime, anywhere and it is a complete pain. The main effect of a Dizzy Day is, obviously, dizziness and unsteadiness. I struggle to balance myself and my head feels extremely heavy. If I am moving then the floor seems to move beneath my feet. If I sit or lie still then things dance around in my vision and I struggle to place them. In short it feels like my entire home is conspiring against me. My hearing is also affected and I periodically go completely deaf in one or both ears. I have yet to learn to use this to my advantage but I’m working on it!

When I have a Dizzy Day my head is completely fuzzy. I forget words mid sentence, I struggle to concentrate, I start doing something then get completely distracted and forget I was doing anything at all. I can’t think sequentially or have space in my head for more than one thought at a time. For example I might think – “I am hungry”. I’ll go to make myself a sandwich and pull out the butter, bread, chicken and salad and put a sandwich together with no problems but it won’t be until after I’ve completely finished my food that it’ll even occur to me to tidy up anything I’ve got out of the cupboards.

Basically I’m like living with a lumbering, clumsy caveman who’s incapable of speaking in long sentences and leaves chaos wherever she goes.

Dizzy Days leave me tired, grumpy and covered in bruises from where I’ve spent the day colliding with every piece of furniture in the house. But there’s not a lot I can do about them except be grateful that my husband is good enough to peel me off whatever door frame I’m hanging on and put me to bed and that my little dog is always around for cuddles when I feel low. As Dizzy Days are nothing compare to full on vertigo attacks I really shouldn’t complain.

Vertigo attacks are something completely different, and completely incapacitating. They can strike any time and leave me flat on my back. I can’t move at all, not even my head, for fear of being sick from the extreme dizziness. All I can do to get through it is go to sleep but there are times this doesn’t work as I have had vertigo attacks lasting up to 24 hours. The main problem with vertigo attacks is you don’t just get one; they generally come in clusters lasting anything from 2 to 6 weeks. Fingers crossed this hasn’t happened to me for over a year and a half and I pray that will continue. Last time I had vertigo attacks I had permanent Dizzy Days for about 4 months afterwards. The recovery period was huge and left me exhausted which also affected my mental state. In short, vertigo – not fun.

So all I can do for the moment is rest and hope this latest little dizzy spell passes quickly. I’m lucky to have my Mr P, he doesn’t mind when I suddenly have to start sleeping 10 hours a day or need a little extra help with things.

Life could be a lot worse.

Mrs P

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P.S. Mr P, if you’re reading. You’ll notice I’m very nice about you in these blogs. Very very nice. Anyway I just wanted to point that out and remind you that it’s less than a month till valentine’s day. No pressure, just a helpful little reminder...

This Will Make You Happy

Who Wants to See Something Amazingly Happy??

*stick with this one, it's worth it*

It’s January, it’s grey and if you’re anything like us then your bank balance has reached a level where the cash machines laugh at you then spit your card out in disgust (damn judgemental cash machines). I blame December, December is like your friend who can drink the bar dry without ever suffering and thinks everyone else is the same. All December does is bombard you with cheerful slogans; “Go on! It’s Christmas! Eat That! Drink That! Yes you do need that £20 novelty reindeer! Yes you need that tin of Quality Street – I know you don’t usually touch them but it’s Christmas! Champagne! More Champagne! Go On....” Etc etc.

Then January slaps you around the face like the mother of all hangovers. You wake up to a bright unforgiving light, make-up smeared everywhere, tights still on and twisted into some kind of painful origami, shame washing over you as you remember that 3am text you really shouldn’t have sent and all you want to do is spend the month on the sofa in your pj’s crying into a pint of water vowing never ever to do it again.

January, more than any other month, is a month where you need to focus on things that make you happy. January is the Monday of the year.

So I thought I’d share with you four that have made me happy this weekend.

#4 Learning to knit.

 

Look! Look at that! I knitted it! It only took me three hours!! I’m not yet sure what it’s for. An action man scarf? A whippet leg warmer? Moustache cover? Who knows! The possibilities are... well ok maybe not endless but use a little imagination!

#3 Singing awesome harmonies with an awesome singer.

I am proud to announce I have made a new friend. Well, I’m not sure if she knows that yet but she’ll learn. We are rehearsing together for C’mon Everybody and she is an amazing singer. I love her; I want to follow her around and bring her coffee and brush her hair for her. This may all sound a little strange – I’m just trying to convey the depths of how awesome she sounds. Not only is she a fantastic singer on her own, when we sing together it sounds amazing. We’ve spend a good chunk of today practising harmonies and it’s made me very happy.

 

#3 People making my husband happy.

Last night my Hubbie performed for the last time with Rock n Roll Paradise. I know how grateful he is to everyone who supported him and so am I. I think he’s wonderful and I always like it when people agree with me (Mr P can back that up himself). To prove how wonderful he is here is a lovely cake given to him by some of his lovely audience which will soon be eaten!

And finally

 

#1

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

Are you ready to meet the happiest whales in the world?

Ok....

Ta Daaaa!

These are, without a doubt, the happiest whales I have ever seen in my entire life! I love them so much. They were made in the 60’s and come from Italy. I have named them Englebert and Dink and they’re the humperwhales! They’re sitting on our windowsill.

I love the fact the pig's huddled in the corner like... "What the hell just happened?!"

I haven't got a clue what they're for.... any ideas?

So, that’s what’s made me happy today! I hope you all have things that are making you happy as well.

Mrs P

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