Hello old friend.
I can’t believe how long it’s been since I updated you!! It’s been a crazy few weeks.
Here are some things I have learnt over the past few weeks:
1. I am a Musician.
Now this is a biggie, you might remember me saying that I didn’t feel like I could call myself a musician, especially after everything that has happened. I’ve now realised that’s not true. Over the past few weeks we’ve been really busy and for the first time I feel confident that I know what I’m doing and that I’m doing a good job. It’s not perfect and I’m certainly not perfect but I’m not beating myself up over the little things anymore. And a big part of that is that I’ve realised....
2. What we do matters.
A little while ago I was really worrying about contributing something meaningful to the world, I loved my work with children and for a while it felt like I wasn’t doing something as important as that. But I don’t feel that way anymore. I’ll give you a few little examples from the past few weeks that have proven this to me:
- We play an evening gig for a Christmas party. It’s fairly quiet – no dancers but a lot of smiles and singing along. At the end of the evening an elderly lady comes up to us and says thank you; in the morning she is going in to have a serious operation and we managed to take her mind off it for a while.
- Maldon, the Christmas Market. We stand outside in the freezing cold for three hours singing to the passersby. We see families with small children dancing along waving glow sticks. Older couples singing along. The mayor boogies down the road with the patron of a local restaurant and – at the end of the evening – a couple slow dances in the middle of the street as we sing our final few songs.
- Just last night we played a little gig at Scope Drummonds – a home for adults with Cerebral Palsy. The joy was immeasurable. One lady in a bright pink skirt sang along at the top of her lungs for the entire night – she substituted every lyric for her own sounds and the sheer bliss on her face was wonderful. Also there was an elderly man who had recently moved from another residence, he had struggled to settle and become regularly upset. Last night he asked to be moved to the front of the crowd and visibly sang along (he knew more words than us!). There was also the Deaf lady who signed to me how much she enjoyed the night and kissed my hand thank you. Those little moments cannot be bought.
There are other examples but I won’t go on. The important thing is I now fully realise 100% how important our own brand of entertainment is and that it most definitely cannot be dismissed.
3. I genuinely love being with the man I married
This might seem like a strange one, I mean I married Mr P, of course I love being with him! But – let me ask you all something – how many of you regularly spend hours trapped in a small white van with the person you’re with? I mean never mind quality time. When you’re stuck travelling with someone – and only that person – for a long amount of time you had better get on with them. This weekend alone we clocked up a grand total of 14 hours in a car/van. With no distractions. It’s times like that when I realise that Mr P, my joyous, carefree, irritating, barmy, wonderful Mr P really is my best mate. We pull together and work together so well. There genuinely is no one else I’d rather be stuck on the M1 for 3 hours with.
Although I have learned not to buy comedy CD’s anymore after we nearly crashed on the a12 listening to Michael McIntyre. It’s worrying when the man driving suddenly hands you his glasses as he’s crying too hard to see out of them.
A little glam goes a long way
What's the old saying? Fake it till you make it? Well it's certainly true. Every time I've felt low on the inside I have slapped on that good old red lippy and my god let me tell you I get out there and make it. What can I say? It brings out the fighter in me.
4. It’s ok to say goodbye
I don’t know how many of you know my history. It’s not something that usually comes up but a few years ago I lost the man who brought me up. It’s been a difficult time, my family isn’t exactly a nuclear family and there have been a lot of unusual hurdles over the years.
Today my Mum and I finally finished clearing our home ready for her to move and begin her new life in a new town.
I knew it would be hard. Especially for my Mum. There have been a lot of memories in that house, some good and some bad – the same as any family home. Things have changed beyond all recognition, not least the two women who packed the final boxes today. It was strange seeing it all stripped bare.
But it was O.K. That place was my home, and it was a good home. We went through a lot in that home. But now it’s time for a new home and I have learnt that that word means more than bricks and mortar. Home is your family and your friends. I said to my Mum today; “It’s strange to think I’ll never come home again.” But the truth is I will. I have many homes, places where I can go and feel happy and safe. At the end of the day I walked away from that old place with no regrets. If things were different then maybe that would’ve stayed our family home for many years. But they aren’t, and it won’t. And you can’t change that. But you can embrace it.
And I didn’t look back.
Thank you everyone who has read this little blog. I’m going to aim to update it a little more regularly now, especially once Christmas is over and everything settles down a little! Of course before then I have to get through my immense to do list including:
- Hunt down Turkey
- Kill Turkey with bare hands
- Remember I’m not cooking Turkey
- Try to find way to dispose of Turkey in a non-suspicious manner
- Knit beautiful homemade Christmas gifts
- Realise that I am appalling at knitting – buy wine instead
- Drink all the wine
- Buy more wine
- Drink that too
- Give everyone a sausage roll and mince pie for Christmas
- Wrap everything, lose dog
- Have minor breakdown
- Rediscover a love of ginger wine with whiskey
- Love everyone and everything for entire Christmas season.
To name a few...
So onwards and upwards, tis the season lalala and it’s good to be busy. Also next year is looking up. No announcements just yet but looking at –
X x x x x x x x x x