Friday, 23 November 2012

I will survive

Day 11 (and 10...)

First off, I apologise for missing yesterday! Between interviews, gigs and rehearsing I didn’t get much time for writing.

The interview went really well, I felt really good about it yesterday.

I didn’t get the job.

Devastated is not the word. I have cried for hours today, I’ve been sick twice. 1 o’clock this afternoon I was lying in bed sobbing my heart out. I’ve felt worthless, useless, pretty much every other less out there...

The headmaster sounded genuinely regretful on the phone. “If I had any other job,” He said, “It would be yours; you were an exceptionally strong candidate. Unfortunately another applicant had slightly more experience in the condition the 1:1 child has.” 

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been told I’ve lost a job to someone more experienced. Unfortunately with so many people being made redundant it’s almost impossible to gain experience in a field. It’s happening to graduates everywhere. It feels like there is an entire generation being lost in this recession. 

Back when my Grandparents were starting work they had an apprenticeship, went to college then went into working as pharmacists. They had started their family by 23 and went on to run their own successful business. These days it’s almost impossible, you can’t even volunteer. 

I have to admit today is one of the worst days I’ve had for a while. I’ve had some awful days over the last few years and they seem to keep coming. It is getting harder and harder to stay strong and positive. Every knock I get I try to think of a new plan even if it’s just so I have something to tell people when they ask me what I’m up to. 

It’s exhausting 

But I’m staying strong. There will be something for me out there. And I have to believe that one day I’ll look back on these dark days and I’ll realise that they’ve turned me into the person I am. Someone with fortitude, someone who cares for others, someone with the strength to keep my family together. 

And through it all I have him.

There’s not much else I can say. But I think this video will sum it up...

Mrs P

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