Photoshoot Blues

Day One

So the past few months haven't gone well for me. I was elbowed out of a job, which I loved, because I was going to be busy touring with a theater show. Two months after losing my job I received a voicemail, letting me know that my services were no longer required on the show I had committed the past 6 months of my life to. (I will not name this show for one very real reason, the one time I made the mistake of publicly admitting how disappointed I was at being suddenly made unemployed the backlash was swift and painful).

So, three months ago, I found myself jobless and suddenly cast out from the tour I had been enjoying. This came just at a time when things seemed as though they were looking up after a couple of hard years. For the first time I was going to be earning a decent wage, having spent 6 months investing in this tour - paying all my own expenses, travelling to rehearsals and putting in hours of practice at my own expense. Myself and Mr P had to move into a one bedroom flat and suddenly found ourselves with no money whatsoever and rapidly mounting credit card debts.

I have been searching for jobs, to be honest I have been searching for jobs ever since I graduated in 2009, but any graduate can tell you that it is not a good time to be looking for a career. In all this time I have had a handful of interviews and even less job offers.

BUT

This is not about all these issues. So I can't find a job, my trust in other people is all but destroyed, I am dealing with a non life-threatening but lifelong disease and me and Mr P are broke. I'll admit I'm depressed. Not in a suicidal "my life is over" kind of a way but certainly in a "some days I just want to drink wine, eat ice  cream and cry" kind of a way.

So, what to do? There are certainly plenty of things I want to do. I'd like to get fit, I've joined the gym but eating chocolate is easier. I'd like to work harder at practicing my singing and instruments. Maybe develop some hobbies, definitely walk the whippet some more. It's just so hard to get up and get going.

So I've decided to set myself a very simple task. I am going to wear red lipstick. Every day, no matter what I'm doing.

Will it help? Well I don't know, but as far as self help goes it beats some of the other stuff I could be doing.

Why red lipstick? Because it's feminine, it's strong and it's fun. Look at some of the women known for wearing red lipstick - Queen Elizabeth I, Veronica Lake, Debbie Harry, Dita Von Teese... It's powerful, it's capable and it's a sign of self-assurance.

I don't know if it'll do anything for my self confidence. But maybe when I receive my thousandth job rejection it'll help give me the confidence to power on through.

How long will I do it for? I don't know... I guess until things seem a little better.

So, day one, me and Mr P went to a photo studio to look at some promotional photo's we had taken last week to try and get some music work. I must admit I did not enjoy seeing them. I remember when me and Mr P met, we were a couple of toned skinny minnies. I'm not sure where they've gone now... we may have eaten them. The couple in today's photos were pudgy, pale and looked awkward.

So, to make myself feel better I put on my - you got it - red lippy.

And a hat.

And some sunglasses.

the sunglasses help me pretend to be a movie star

Ok the couple in the photos were still pudgy. But now I could pick out some redeeming features. Like the girl in those pictures had some pretty long, curvy legs. And her makeup was done well. It's a start.

Anyway I'm going to finish with a quote from Annie Lennox, one of my absolute idols.

Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world. 
Annie Lennox 

Mrs P

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